Losing It

My mad, crazy journey to health and beyond

Weigh-In Day 15.07.14

Let’s start with the good news shall we?

 

Oh yeah baby, that’s another 700g in the past week! 9.7kg down so far and CRUSHING IT!

Oh yeah baby, that’s another 700g in the past week! 9.7kg down so far and CRUSHING IT!

 

Now for the ba-…. oh wait, there is no bad news – that’s because I’m awesome!

Yup this past week was no problem for Nicola the Great. Because I am, as previously mentioned, AWESOME. Check it out.

 

Wednesday

No gym, feel like crap. Cough, splutter, sneeze. Work. Meh. Dinner with one of my favourite people!

 

This is Matthew, one of my favourite people. Matthew is super excited because he got to drink not one, but TWO glasses of wine, thanks to our Groupon deal and me not drinking. Cheers Matthew!

This is Matthew, one of my favourite people. Matthew is super excited because he got to drink not one, but TWO glasses of wine, thanks to our Groupon deal and me not drinking. Cheers Matthew!

 

(Side note: if you’re looking for a good Durban curry, check out Vandiar’s in Dunkley Square in town. Good stuff!)

 

Then onto Roxy’s next door, one of my all-time favourite Cape Town places. Retro as fuck, awesomely eclectic, and as yet, undiscovered by hipsters. Good food, good company, good conversation – what more could a girl want?

 

Told you. Retro as fuck.

Told you. Retro as fuck.

 

Difficulty rating: 3 out of 10.

 

Thursday

Still fluey. Blerg. Work up the wazoo. Home to a pork chop as big as my face, Lindt and The Wedding Date. I don’t know what was what more delicious – the chocolate or Dermot Mulroney. It’s a toss-up.

Difficulty rating: 2 out of 10.

Yum rating: 10 out of 10.

 

Friday

TGIF! Despite the fact that my weekend is going to be PACKED with work, still got that Friday fever baby! And what better way to blow it off than with the Sleek Girls and a yummy sushi dinner!

 

Sleek Girls (bunch of cray-cray bitches)

Sleek Girls (bunch of cray-cray bitches)

 

Yummy sushi dinner (shout-out to Hong for making the BEST sushi in Cape Town)

Yummy sushi dinner (shout-out to Hong for making the BEST sushi in Cape Town).

 

Difficulty rating: 3 out of 10.

 

Saturday

Up at 5am. Remind me why I chose to freelance again? Work work work. Off to parkrun at 7am.

 

You think we’re smiling but actually our faces are frozen because it is SO FREAKING COLD!

You think we’re smiling but actually our faces are frozen because it is SO FREAKING COLD!

 

Home, throw breakfast down my neck, dash off to meet a friend for coffee, race home, WORK WORK WORK (seriously, freelancing, wtf?) lunch, WORK WORK WORK, dinner, off to Home Bar for ladies night with my gorgeous friend Tee. Lots of conversation, lots of lime and soda, lots of giggles, lots of annoying drunk people to fend off later on. (Side note: amazing how awesome drunk people are when you’re drunk, but how retarded they are when you’re sober. Someone should do a study on this.)

Difficulty rating: 6 out of 10. I really felt for a glass of dry white to go with the girl talk. Although it wouldn’t have been one, it would have been seven, each with a tequila chaser. So probably best to have stuck with the lime and soda.

 

Sunday

FUUUUUUUUCKKKK! I have overslept like a mofo! Was supposed to be up at 6 to work, and it’s 7:30! Race to get stuff done, don’t get through nearly as much as I’m supposed to, race to Tasha’s at the V&A for a breakfast treat from the highly inspirational and all-round wonderful Felicity.

 

Felicity. Most probably one of the most kickass Sleek Girls of all time!

Felicity. Most probably one of the most kickass Sleek Girls of all time!

 

Race home to (you guessed it) WORK WORK WORK. No mom and dad, I can’t skype now, I’m trying to pay the rent! Race off to Hout Bay for a quick visit, watch Pretty Woman, recite most of it, annoy my friend (happy birthday Alex!), race home, BLARG I CANNOT WORK ANYMORE, make some delicious chicken and veg soup, veg out myself, BED.

Difficulty rating: 5 out of 10. There was a tense moment in the afternoon. Tense moments make me want to drink. And drink and drink and drink.

 

Monday

Up at 5am to try to get some more work done. Fail miserably due to extreme tiredness. Work work work. Home to Royal Pains, The Good Wife and some yummy lamb chops. Another week done and dusted.

 

30 days down bitches!

30 days down bitches!

 

So ja, that’s me, kicking it hard! I’m probably going to jinx the heck out of it, but apart from one day in Week 1 and one other day in Week 2, things have been pretty plain sailing sobriety-wise. I expected it to be FUCKMYLIFEHARD but to date it’s only been itotesgotthis. And amongst all the awesome stuff that I’ve been learning about myself and my motivation for doing things, a small lightbulb moment squeezed its way in. For the first time I can actually SEE myself at my goal weight, and completely believe that I’m going to get there. Before it was more of a pipe dream, a nice-to-have – now it’s a GONNA HAVE, and gonna get there with bells on!

Stay tuned for next week where we’ll be having a ladies night, more Home Bar high jinks, pub quiz and a (FML) winter trail run in Grabouw. Till then, stay as inspired as I am with a little help from the song that I’m currently obsessed with. SA music rocks!

Laters babies xx

 

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Recaps, weigh-ins and phlegm

I was supposed to put this up at the beginning of the week but since I have been struck down in my prime by the dreaded cold virus, I have been too busy coughing up a lung to post anything. And since there’s a little dude with a drum banging his face off inside my head, I’m going to make this one quick.

 

Monday

WORK WORK WORK home, watch Royal Pains, WORK WORK WORK.

Difficulty rating: 1 out of 10

 

Tuesday

Gym, WORK WORK WORK, SleekGeek dinner, fun with friends.

Difficulty rating: 2 out of 10

 

Wednesday

Gym, WORK WORK WORK, yummy healthy dinner with friends Sacha and Rehana.

 

Friend Sacha. Friend Rehana not pictured because, toddler.

Friend Sacha. Friend Rehana not pictured because, toddler.

 

Difficulty rating: 2 out of 10

 

Thursday

WORK WORK WORK, home, dinner, WORK WORK WORK

Difficulty rating: 2 out of 10

 

Friday

Gym, WORK WORK WORK, OMG WILL I GET HOME IN THIS HURRICANE? Finally home, steak, mash, Lindt 90% chocolate. CANNOT WORK ANYMORE!

Difficulty rating: 2 out of 10

 

Saturday

Up at 7am. WORK WORK WORK, dash out for groceries and a quick coffee with a friend, WORK WORK WORK. FML I have the worst cabin fever ever! Let’s go to Home Bar! 3 x limes and soda, 1 x bizarre conversation with a very drunk lady, 1 x hysterical conversation with a slightly drunk couple, 1 x successful evening out with no alcohol consumed. I rule!

 

Drunk lady.

Drunk lady.

 

Slightly drunk couple.

Slightly drunk couple.

 

Difficulty rating: 4 out of 10

 

Sunday

Up at 5am. WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK I FUCKING CANNOT ANYMORE! Visit friend for fabulous painting session.

 

What, nothing to see here!

What, nothing to see here!

 

Plenty to see here!

Plenty to see here!

 

Quick rough sketch with the time left over.

Quick rough sketch with the time left over.

 

Pop into birthday party. Have to repeat about 19 times that I’m not drinking. Rounds of high fives to my awesomeness. Totally worth it. Home. Dinner. Shit, I think I’m getting a cold.

Difficulty rating: 4 out of 10

 

Monday

Up at 5am. Ok I definitely have a cold. WORK WORK WORK WORK. Go to actual work. WORK WORK WORK. Home. Royal Pains. The Good Wife. Yum.

Difficulty rating: 1 out of 10.

 

Tuesday.

Up at 5am. Great, cold still there. Off to gym. Lift stuff. Weigh self.

 

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Holy fucking shit. Another 1.9kg down in the last week! That’s 9kg down in total over the past 3 weeks! I RULE ALL!

WORK WORK WORK. Pub quiz. Sniff sniff. Tissues. Third place. Win another bottle of wine. Why does the universe hate me? Decide to be good and go to bed early. Miss that whole Brazil/Germany thing. Eyeroll.

Difficulty rating: 4 out of 10

 

So in a nutshell:

Weight lost: 1.9kg

Phlegm coughed: 1000 tons

Alcohol consumed: 0

Fucks given: 0

 

Tune in next week for more fun, high-jinks and complete sentences.

 

So many crosses, all in a row!

So many crosses, all in a row!

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Say what?

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Today marks Day 20 of my 100 Days of Sobriety, and while it’s been a been a journey that has prompted some interesting insights and reflections on my part, it’s prompted some interesting remarks from those around me too. Some have been welcome, some have been not so welcome, but all have made me think harder, dig deeper and get to the bottom of why I feel the burning desire to drink like a sailor on shore leave just because someone looked at me funny.

Here’s what some people have had to say so far:

 

The Good

“I think it’s so awesome what you’re doing!”

Thank you, I think it’s pretty awesome too. I had serious doubts when I started it, but now that I’m at Day 20, I finally believe that I can actually make it all the way to Day 100 like a champ. And high five to you for being along for the ride.

 

“Do you want to go for coffee/come round for dinner/paint/do stuff that doesn’t involve drinking?”

Yes I absolutely do. And thank you so much for thinking of things to do together that don’t involve drinking. So much of the time I use alcohol as an ice-breaker, a distraction, a mask because I don’t trust the strength of my friendships. I find it difficult to believe that my friends would appreciate my company 100% raw, untouched and unblurred, or that they would want to hang out with me without alcohol to sweeten the deal. That’s obviously my own issue – lack of self-confidence, not believing that people would find me interesting enough to hang out with soberly. But clearly it’s total bullshit because the invites have been streaming in, so much so that July is pretty much booked up already and we’re only 4 days in. So yes, I would love to do stuff with you, and bless you for asking.

 

“You so got this!”

Yes, yes I do. You rock.

 

“You inspire me!”

Aw shucks. And hugs. Lots of hugs.

 

“You’ve helped us so much, now it’s time for us to help you.”

What a welcome thing to hear. So often I never ask for help because I see admitting that you need help as being a weakness. But I’m only just starting to learn that more vulnerable you make yourself, the deeper and more meaningful your friendships become. Last year I burnt myself out by offering help to anyone and everyone, and had no mental energy left for myself, let alone my health journey. Now I’m making sure to ask for help as often as I give help to others, and this equal give and take has turned what was an exhausting task into a mutually valuable one. So thanks for your help, and feel free to ask anytime you need some yourself. That’s what friends are for.

 

“I won’t drink in front of you!”

That’s incredibly sweet, but completely unnecessary. Please, go ahead and enjoy your glass of wine/jug of Jagermeister. Just because I have no off switch when it comes to pounding drinks doesn’t mean you have to suck on sparkling water all night too. But I very much appreciate the gesture. Kisses!

 

“Going out for drinks isn’t that much fun anyway.”

Coming from people that I used to go out for many drinks with, this is very much appreciated. It’s bullshit, but it’s very much appreciated.

 

Screen Shot 2014-07-04 at 12.40.52 PM

 

“I really like you this way.”

You know what, I like me this way too. My relationships are becoming stronger, I’m trusting my friendship bonds more, and I’m socialising more than I ever did when I was drinking – doing different stuff and more of it. So high five for sober awesomeness!

 

“I won’t serve you alcohol for the next <however many> days.”

Thank you Charlie from Home Bar, thank you. When you go to your local pub to drink lime and soda, and everyone congratulates you for doing so, you know that whether your drink is soft or hard, you’re drinking in the right place. Mazel tov.

 

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The Bad

“Oh god the next 100 days are going to be so boring.”

Yeah for you maybe. Fucknuckle.

 

“Call me when your 100 days are up.”

So what, we can’t go out now? We HAVE to drink each and every time we meet up? There is literally nothing else the two of us can do together to have fun and enjoy each other’s company? How sad for you. And don’t hold your breath about that phone call.

 

“Are you sure you can’t just have one drink? I won’t tell anyone – no-one will know!”

Um, I’ll know. And shot for the support by the way. First of all, as I’ve said many times, I can’t just have ONE drink. Twelve yes, one no. Plus, way to just be thinking about yourself there, and not about what I’m trying to achieve. I’ll call a different friend next time I want to do something, thanks very much.

 

Screen Shot 2014-07-04 at 12.41.20 PM

 

The Ugly

“Ugh man you’re so boring when you don’t drink.”

Well if that isn’t just the biggest ‘fuck you’ I’ve ever heard. Do you actually believe that I wake up in the morning, and am boring from that point on, all through the day until I sit down in front of you in the pub with a beer in my hand, and magically transform into someone worth talking to? I have news for you – people have told me for years that I’m funny, interesting and smart, drinks or no drinks (and thankfully I’m actually starting to believe it). So maybe if you need me to drink to make the evening interesting, perhaps I’m not the boring one. Oh, and fuck you too.

 

Screen Shot 2014-07-04 at 12.33.38 PM

 

And finally…

 

The Big Question

“What are you going to do when the 100 days are up?”

You know what, I have absolutely NO IDEA. I have tried so many different ways of reducing my emotional dependency on alcohol, and none of them have worked as yet. I’ve tried going for a few weeks at a time without drinking, then having a splurge. That didn’t work. I’ve tried only drinking once a month. That didn’t work. And I’ve tried only drinking one drink at a time. Hahahaha – I think we can all agree that was never going to work.

Here’s the thing though. At Day 20, I’m still very much in the early stages of what I wanted this journey to be. Every day I’m learning new things about myself, uncovering more and understanding a little better why I do what I do with Jose Cuervo and all his friends. This is where the good, juicy work is happening, and I don’t want to rush through that and pre-empt anything by thinking too far ahead. For now, I’m going along, taking life as it comes and dealing with its ups and downs in healthy ways. And that’s all I’m concentrating on.

My hope is that when I get to Days 80-something onwards, the answer will start revealing itself to me, and I’ll know what the best way forward is. Till then, I’ve got plenty of days to get through, plenty of work to do, and plenty of friends to hear good, supportive, wonderful things from. And that’s saying something.

 

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Weigh-in Day 01.07.14

It’s been a week of ups, downs, calm, cray-cray and binge-watching Friends. But although I stuck to my training 100%, my sobriety 100% and my eating plan 95% (simply because I have no idea of the macro values of a plate of Villagio lasagna) I wasn’t expecting much of a loss this week, if any. On The Biggest Loser, if you drop 6.2kg in the first week (like I did last week, whoop whoop) you lose sweet fuck all the next week (it’s called The Week 2 Curse). Which is why I was not expecting this at all:

 

That’s another 0.9kg down. BOOM!

That’s another 0.9kg down. BOOM!

 

7.1kg down in two weeks? Yup, I’m pretty happy with that!

But this week doesn’t just mark yet another loss on the scale – today, 1 July 204 is exactly one year to the day that I started my weight loss journey for realz. I was thinking about this on the way to work this morning, and I was a bit bummed because my lowest weight so far this year was 104.1kg in March, and now after a few weeks of stupidity, I’m back up to 111.3kg. FML

But then I started thinking about all the things I’ve accomplished in the past year, and I started feeling better about it. Because in the past year I have:

  • Lost 23.1kg
  • Reversed my type 2 diabetes
  • Brought my blood pressure and cholesterol down from sky-high to normal
  • Deadlifted 100kg for a 1RM
  • Run (almost) 5km without stopping
  • Lost body fat
  • Gained muscle
  • Won the 2013 SleekGeek Winter Warrior Challenge
  • Been chosen as a FitGirlFab fitness ambassador
  • Partnered with Rouge Day Spa
  • Been featured in three magazine articles for my health achievements
  • Started this blog
  • Made friends with an absolutely fabulous community of ladies
  • Discovered a passion for helping others with their health and wellness
  • Hopefully inspired others to either start or continue with their own weight loss journeys

And gone from this:

 

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To this:

 

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So you know what? Fuck the few extra kilos that I’ve put on. I’ve done WAY more good than I have bad in the past twelve months, and that’s what I’m going to focus on, rather than getting upset at a temporary gain (which is disappearing as we speak). If I think back to where I was twelve months ago, there is no way I would have pictured being where I am now – stronger, fitter, healthier and still fighting. So a big high five to me, and a big high five to David, De Waal, the SleekGeek and Sleek Girls communities and all my friends and family who have watched, cheered, applauded, supported and tough loved me to this point. I can’t wait to see what the next twelve months have in store!

Big love to you all xxx

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