Losing It

My mad, crazy journey to health and beyond

Say what?

I’ve been on holiday for four days now, and in that short space of time it’s been made abundantly clear to me that I am, in fact, weird. How do I know that I’m weird? Because people say stuff like this to me:

 

“Half a packet of bacon? For breakfast??” Yes. And tomorrow, the other half.

 

“Gross, how can you eat 70% Lindt??” Um, you put it in your mouth and you chew?

 

“Doesn’t everything taste like coconut?” No, no it doesn’t.

 

“What’s a burpee?” Imagine the worst pain you’ve ever felt, multiply it by 100, and still you are nowhere near close to the sheer horror that is the burpee.

 

“No but seriously, what’s a burpee?” Ok well you start on all fours and then you throw your legs out and then you pull them back in and then…you know what, never mind.

 

“Why are you using a tablespoon to measure out your coffee?” Because I then use the spoon to measure out how much cream I can put in and it’s easier than dirtying a teaspoon AND a tablespoon and…you know what, never mind.

 

“What is with that weird scanny thing you’re doing?” I am scanning the barcode of this packet because…you know what, never mind.

 

“What do you mean you haven’t eaten enough today??” Well because according to my macros…you know what, never mind.

 

“Here, try some of this wine.” No thanks, I don’t drink.

 

“Ok then have a sip of my beer.” No thanks, I don’t drink.

 

“What about this wine?” No th…you know what, never mind.

 

“But you can have something to drink on Christmas Day though right?” *facepalm*

 

Sometimes I try to answer, as you can see. Most of the time though, I just go with one of these.

 

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It’s true though, I am weird. And if you’ve been following a healthy living plan for a while now too, then I hate to break it to you, but so are you. During the year we tend to not notice our weirdness, either living alone or living amongst people who accept our weirdness as normal (mostly because they themselves are weird too). However when we go on holiday and start mixing with the regular people, it seems that a bright spotlight gets shone on all our weirdness, our strange habits, and all the confusing idiosyncrasies and peccadillos* we’ve developed along this peculiar road to wellness. And people start looking at us funny.

 

That’s ok though – you can look at me as funny as you want. As long as you let me do my thing, I’ll let you do yours, and we’ll both have a whale of a time. Just don’t get between me and my bacon. You have been warned.

 

(*Yes, I know big words. It’s not all “fuckknuckle” and “totes amaze” around here you know. Try not to faint.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Pictures of me in my underpants!

WW Winner

No false advertising here baby. That is me, in all my black underwear glory, large and in fucking charge. But don’t feel too sorry for me though – the reason I’m standing there like a half-naked boss is because in 2013, I won the SleekGeek Winter Warrior ladies’ weight loss challenge, and banked R10 000 in the process. Uh-huh, 10 big ones baby. It helps block out some of the embarrassment. It also helps pay off debts, fatten up your savings account, buy a bunch of treats, and pay it forward too – all of which I did.

But more than a big fat bank account (which is always good), entering the SleekGeek challenge did something more for me – it helped kickstart a wellness programme that I’m still on to this day, it helped me focus and get my priorities right, and it helped me realise that it was possible to go more than one week without drinking (who knew?).

I’ve done more SleekGeek challenges since then (all of them actually) but that was the one that started it all – and it’s why, if you’re looking for the motivation you need to get off the couch and into some gym pants, I always recommend challenge as a starting point. It worked for me – no reason why it couldn’t work for you too.

Which is why I’m issuing you a challenge (yes, a challenge – you didn’t think this was all just going to be you staring at me in my knickers did you?). And that challenge is this – to buddy up with me for the upcoming SleekGeek New Year Challenge and take your life back! I’ve got one free entry to give away, and damn, if you win that entry I am going to ride your ass like Zorro to make sure we win. Because R10 000 doesn’t last long, and mama needs more free cheddar in her life.

SG2

So if you’d like to enter the Losing It draw to win one free entry into the SleekGeek New Year Challenge, then leave your name below, or some sort of thing that lets me know you want to enter. I’ll do the draw over the weekend, and let you know who the lucky winner is (or not so lucky, because trust me, Team Nicola is going to work like a motherfucker).

But even if you don’t get the free entry, you still have the chance to get a discounted one. The regular price for challenge is R599, but if you enter in January 2015, you’ll get it for just R399 – and you’ll get a fantastic set of discounts, eating plans, training plans and motivation and inspiration too. Everything you need to finally tick that sad “must lose weight” resolution off your list. As well as R500 000 worth of prizes to be won too (did I forget to mention that?).

So that’s it peeps – me in my underwear, issuing you a challenge. If you’ve got what it takes enter below to win your free entry now, or enter in January and get a 33% discount off the regular price. 2015 is going to get crushed so hard, I almost feel a little sorry for it.

SG 1

PS: If you’re wondering if I got a kick-back out of this, the answer is yes, I did. How’s that for transparency?

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