Losing It

My mad, crazy journey to health and beyond

It’s a hard-knock life for us

on August 21, 2014
For those of you who get the reference.

For those of you who get the reference.

 

It’s only Thursday and so far it’s been the week from hell. For the past few weeks (well, nine really) I’ve been cruising along, following my routine, busy as fuck, yes, but pretty unstressed and pretty much loving life.

I guess the universe was severely constipated for those nine weeks, because this week it chose to take a giant steaming dump all over my life.

Allow me to demonstrate.

 

Monday

Up at 5am. Work work work. Then go to actual work. Gigantic motherfucking presentation – BAAARGGG! Work work work work work. Get home after 7. No food in the house because guess what, I was in Joburg over the weekend, so no grocery shopping. And now Pick n Pay is closed. Fabulous. Cobble together a breakfast for Tuesday out of table scraps and sticky tape. Call Mr Delivery to bring me some Nando’s and salad for tonight’s dinner and tomorrow’s lunch. I’m sorry, HOW MUCH? I’m not sure if you heard me correctly, I just want to buy one chicken, not the entire fucking Nando’s farm!! AARRGG!! Royal Pains, The Good Wife, my solid gold chicken and some Lindt. Damn Will Gardner, you are hot.

 

Screen Shot 2014-08-21 at 12.23.58 PM

 

Not a bad note to end on.

 

Tuesday

Up at 3am wide awake, because, life. Fall asleep at 4:30am. Alarm goes off at 5am. I can already tell this is not going to be a good day. At gym. You want me to do WHAT? Why this is TRX hell, and nor are we out of it. (Yes, I can paraphrase Shakespeare at 6am. I’m that good.) Work, sweat, die. Weigh self.

 

Still rocking the Lemonade pedi.

Still rocking the Lemonade pedi.

 

Self is 700g down from last week. Self only needs to lose 5.4 more kilograms to get to 99.9. Huzzah! Get to work. More gigantic presentation! Work work work work Nando’s lunch yay work work work stress stress stress stress work work work work. Mail from new client – can you do this job by this time? Um, unfortunately not. No response. Guess I’ve just lost new client. Fuck. Sit in rush hour traffic at 6:30pm. Win the Guinness World Record for the fastest grocery shop known to man (6 minutes and 34 seconds). Go home, work work work some more. Rush off to pub quiz. Miss out on the Holy Grail of all pub quizzes by almost coming first without having a bonus round like the other teams. Fuck. Never been so bummed to come second in all my life. Cannot believe the women of today would rather sleep with Channing Tatum and Ryan Gosling than Brad Pitt and George Clooney (one of the few questions we got wrong). Feel old. Get given a magnum of wine as a runner-up prize. The universe is just mocking me now.

 

Seriously.

Seriously.

 

Wednesday

Up at 5am. Briefly consider shooting myself. I should be going to gym now, but no. Grit my teeth and shower (side note: why is water always so much colder when it’s dark outside??). Make and pack up breakfast. Because no-one should be eating this early except for people coming off the night shift (mental note: watch Nightshift music video on YouTube). Get to work before 7am. I love my life. Work work work work work stress stress stress work work work. Rush out of work to make ophthalmologist appointment. Heavens open over the 10 minutes it takes me to walk to my car. Soaked from head to toe. The fabulousness just doesn’t end. Get to ophthalmologist. Sit down in the chair. I wonder if my sodden underpants are making a squelching sound. Hi there, I’m seeing white flashes in my eyes, and my pupils are contracted and irregular (i.e. I am doing a fabulous impression of a cyborg). Here are some drops, come back in two weeks, it could be serious.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Freak out in the car on the way back to work. Am I going blind? Do I have cancer of the eye? It might be a tumour! OMG!

 

Screen Shot 2014-08-21 at 12.48.29 PM

 

No time to feel sorry for myself. Work work work work work work work. Have you ever written 25 Facebook posts in an hour? Watch this shit go DOWN. FML, I have SOOOO much coursework I have to do, I haven’t even had time to look at it yet. When am I going to do that? After work. Ok ok cool. Fuck a duck, now I have to cancel my Fairy Godmother get-together that I was looking forward to. For crying out LOUD! It is 6:30pm – WHY IS THERE SO MUCH TRAFFIC??!! Home. Coursework. And I have to beat some chicken breasts into submission. Literally. I can’t, I just can’t. Plans reorganised. Burgers, Lindt, couch, Wimbledon. Breathe.

 

Screen Shot 2014-08-21 at 12.29.42 PM

 

Thursday

5am. Again. Starting to wonder if I’m Bill Murray in some highly unnecessary Groundhog Day remake. Bloody pouring with bloody rain. And I have to go to gym to make up for the session I couldn’t go to yesterday. This is just getting better and better. Damn this bed is comfy. No-one will know if I go back to sleep…

Yes, I’ll know!! Good grief I should have my head examined. I must be suffering from some sort of mental deficiency, because that is the only reason why I am now driving to gym at 5:45am in what can only be described as a hurricane. I think I just saw Toto fly past.

 

Dafuq?

Dafuq?

 

Ok, let’s get this done. Yes, I’m tired, I have a cold (oh, did I forget to mention that), and my body feels like it’s been stuffed through a wood chipper and then put back together again, but it’s ok – I got this! Not doing anywhere near as much as I normally do in this session, but who gives – at least I’m here. And I have decided, (pant, pant, pant) that today is going to be a GOOD DAY! So there!

Home to a much-needed shower and a delicious breakfast, off to fix the puncture in my tyre (a little gift from the universe that I discovered on Sunday evening), in and out in 10 minutes, found out I can get my car serviced for way less at the same garage than at Barons (blood-sucking leeches), found a parking right outside work (half on a yellow line, but the universe has my back today so that’s ok), found a bunch of paid invoices in my bank account (HALLELUJAH), found out that client approved the OMFG gigantic presentation – WHOOP WHOOP! And just struck a fabulous deal with one of my freelance clients.

And as if that wasn’t enough, I’ve got leftover burgers to look forward to for lunch 🙂

 

Burgers!

Burgers!

 

Monday to Wednesday, you sucked giant hairy ass. Thursday, you’re doing your damndest to make up for it, and so far so good.

So what have I learned?

  • Life is always going to throw shit at you. Deal with it and move on.
  • When you can’t do your very best, do the best you can.
  • Get some goddamn sleep.
  • Hard work pays off.
  • Chocolate is good.
  • Happiness is something you choose, not just something that randomly happens to you.
  • Drinking a bunch of tequila and eating a bunch of junk food is not going to make your problems go away. Dealing with them will.
  • This too shall pass.

It’s been a tough week – exactly the kind of week that would make me drink, and drink HARD. But I’m proud to say that I didn’t reach for the booze once – in fact, other than thinking ‘hmm, this is normally the kind of thing I would drink through’, I didn’t think about alcohol at all. And last night when I was overtired, overwhelmed and overly emotional, I thought about pizza, and then thought, but how would that solve anything? I know, I’m as surprised as you are.

 

Apparently this is not the answer to all of life’s problems. Who knew?

Apparently this is not the answer to all of life’s problems. Who knew?

 

I now have the rest of my fabulous Thursday to get through, an awesome SA music gig to look forward to tomorrow night, and enough to do on the weekend to keep me out of bars, out of trouble, and in the black. I love my life. And this time I’m not being sarcastic.

 

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10 responses to “It’s a hard-knock life for us

  1. Robyn says:

    I agree, Will Gardener is very hot

  2. Gillean says:

    Awesomeness! loved this post!

  3. Thanks so much for this – I needed it. I have literally laughed out loud sitting on my bed in my 3rd different guest house for the week. And my plan for tonight is to follow yours – get some goddamn sleep and let tomorrow’s shit wait for tomorrow.

  4. Lynn says:

    So good Nicola, brilliant – you gave me a really good laugh!

  5. You’re doing an amazing job!!! Keep it up and well done – you’re such an inspiration 🙂

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